Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Sacrifice

Just a flower. But life. Oh it would have faded and died anyway. Never the less, a life given for my pleasure. Makes me want to say thank you...to the flower? to God?



~


Water and a knife
Slender neck measured and slit
Sacrificial rose


~

5 comments:

EP Hemingweigh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Goat said...

I prefer the first one with one word perhaps changed--instead of "to" in the second line, you could use "with". That way the second line has meaning all its own without the connection to the first and third line. Making each line of a haiku carry meaning that makes sense apart from its connection to the other lines is one of the hardest things to make happen smoothly in haiku.

EP Hemingweigh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Goat said...

SCOOOOOOOOTTTT!!! Git over here and explain anthropomorphism!

EP Hemingweigh said...

Blogger EP Hemingweigh said...here is the second of three
which is a better version

leaning close awkward
pause turned up cushions to no
avail lost gone

or

stained air maladroit
lull altered fibers to no
avail lost gone
April 29, 2009 1:33 PM


Blogger EP Hemingweigh said... i really like the first one to of this haiku version
thanks for all the advice on the haikus it is hard to get these right
and i dont really know what that anthropomorphism is
April 29, 2009 10:04 PM