Thursday, April 8, 2010

Marriage




Poles apart

Two merge into one

Sky lays down on water and ripples

*

8 comments:

Craig and Bethany said...

The last line makes it. Wish I'd written that!

scottnicks said...

I totally agree with Bethany. Even the lines ripple out.
Although, ahem, it is not a haiku. Still, it is poe tree and that's all that matters...

Goat said...

Ahem, there are seventeen syllables--count them.

scottnicks said...

Ahem, but what about the 5/7/5 convention that is traditional haiku? Have you jumped ship and gone to the dark side of modern haiku?
:D

Goat said...

Cheating on tradition is a violation worth examining. I consider the sylabic content of traditional haiku form, most generally, inviolable. Or, in my estimation, one needs an extraordinary reason for exception. Syllables in my poem are correct. Compliance to the line to line 5.7.5, is what forces the poet to greater creativity within the small confinement of seventeen syllables. Takes it to the next level. The question in this poem is this: does the violation of 5.7.5 do enough work for the poem to supercede the traditional form.

I am of the opinion that most cheating of the rules is just not being quite good enough to make it happen without cutting some corner. I invite you to take my poem and give it a try.

scottnicks said...

i give...uncle...mercy...
i had a feeling you were going to release the hounds...
i was just ribbing because you and i have talked and railed against the breaking of form of haiku. It's a beautiful poem. It is NaPoMo after all and not NaHaiMo. I think by no means did you cheat because of a lack of something or falling short. I think it's wonderful how even though the 17 sounds are there, the line structure speaks to the essence of the poem - ripples. Each line longer than the last, making longer "noise". I think the subject warrants the move and to take the opportunity. I don't think the traditional structure would give it that extra kick.
This is the reason you are the Poetry Sensei and I am the humble learner. i have much to learn...

Goat said...

Thanks for your kind words, Scott. I actually like the push-back. You know I will do it to you hahaha. It is good to mess with even a good poem. You might make it better and unlike a watercolor, a poem can be returned to its original form. OSHA would approve--completely safe for play.

Kathy said...

Not only do I greatly admire this wonderful poem, I am amazed at it's outline. The pole at the start...forming the outline of a tree. Next~ it rests on the water...and ripples. I have so much to learn! Such FUN!